


I'll be Fine if You Ask Me

by crspnwah (walkydeads)



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Lovers To Enemies, M/M, enzo/cass if u squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 09:56:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7710664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkydeads/pseuds/crspnwah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin blames Sami for everything. If only 'everything' was something Kevin didn't still want.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll be Fine if You Ask Me

Kevin can't find Sami's mouth under all that copper wire he calls a beard. At least not with his fists. Kevin thinks Sami should consider this a small mercy.

-

Without a doubt, the most humiliating moment of Kevin's life was a private one. Way back in Ring of Honor, he'd been masturbating quietly in his hotel bed (imagining innocuous breasts, running his fingers through soft hair, holding onto curves and smelling floral, fruity perfume, thank you very much) when Sami had woken up next to him.

And okay, they'd been having to share a bed to cut costs, but it wasn't like he'd been elbowing Sami the whole time. Or taking in his scent. Or absorbing his warmth like he was attempting photosynthesis with it. Nothing like that. It had been purely incidental that Sami was next to him.

Sami knew this, of course, which is why he just started laughing. The ribbons of guilt and shame that cut through Kevin had nothing to do with disappointment.

-

Years later, Kevin smashes the same fist he'd been using to pull at his own dick that night against Sami's cheekbone. It wasn't a planned move. He hopes stars explode behind Sami's eyelids. He hopes Sami thinks about being humiliated like this - in front of thousands of strangers - for years to come.

"Stay down," he growls, "Don't make me do this."

-

“It’s fine,” Sami had said, waving him off the next morning, “Don’t even think about it anymore. I promise it’s cool. Everybody does it, right? No worries.”

There were two problems with that.

First, Kevin couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Second, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know if everybody felt empty doing it unless their best friend was in bed beside them.

-

Enzo gets on Kevin's nerves, but at least he and Cass are always down to share the cost of a rental car, and split the driving up fairly. Not like Sami, who would fall asleep with his cheek pressed to the passenger side window, looking too ridiculous for Kevin to wake in good conscious, and who would always pay the the whole rental fee when they turned the car back in because he felt bad for sleeping the whole time.

When he tells them this, they don't look impressed or flattered that Kevin prefers their company. Cass' lip curls in a noncommittal grimace, his fingers tightening on the steering wheel.

"Thanks," Enzo says flatly, and then under his breath, "for the fiftieth freakin’ time."

-

Back when Sami had woken up and laughed at him, Kevin had gone soft in his hand pretty much instantaneously. He muttered a quick 'sorry', threw the covers off, and locked himself in the bathroom.

He cried like a baby. Shoulder shaking, silent sobs into his hands. It wasn't that he was disappointed, aside from maybe disappointed in himself, of course. It was just really surreal and embarrassing. He felt gutted, and he couldn’t unmuddle the reasons he might feel that way in his mind. It was too cloudy. 

Sami was pretending to be asleep when Kevin finally left the bathroom, his body pressed against the wall on his side of the bed, his face halfway in his pillow, his breaths uneven.

-

There's an effort to maintain civility on Sami's side of things that's so artificial, Kevin can scarcely believe there's a division in the locker room because of them.

Which is to say, he's surprised anybody in the locker room buys Sami's crap.

"You know," Sami tells him softly one day, as the lot of them are dressing down, "You really ought to stop playing the victim. It makes you look really weak out there."

Kevin's taken aback at the locker room's reaction. Nods. Quiet agreements. Tales about past feuds that went stale and lost rising superstars their push and momentum. No one seems to realize that Sami's the one always playing wounded.

No one sees that, at the end of the day, Sami is fine. He takes off his ring gear and gets back to his life no worse for wear. Kevin is the one falling apart at the seams, wishing every fight will be the last one, that it will finally feel like enough. It never does, and he doesn't know why.

“I don’t need your advice,” he growls trying to sound as annoyed as possible, turning his back on Sami to address the rest of the room, “Any of you. Keep your noses in your own business. Mon dieu.”

-

"You know," Sami said, a week and four beers after he had caught Kevin jerking off, "This is kinda weird, but I've been wondering what you look like when you come."

"What," Kevin deadpanned, freezing with a slice of pizza halfway to his mouth.

"I'm serious," Sami shrugged, downing the last gulp of his fifth beer and resting his chin in his free hand, "It's just... you looked so silly with the covers up around you, biting your lip and trying to be quiet. And I was thinking about it, and if you're trying to be quiet or hide for my sake, you don't have to. I don't mind, you know? In fact, I'm kinda curious."

Kevin downed the whole slice of pizza, mulling over all the ways this might be a practical joke, before he responded, "Okay, well... do you wanna go back to the room?"

-

"What a smug little shit," Seth says conversationally, pulling up the very chair Dean had occupied a few weeks ago at catering.

Kevin looks up with vague disdain, a mix of 'why are you talking to me' and 'what are you talking about', chewing a rather delicious hoagie and hoping that this wasn’t going to be what he definitely already knew it was.

Seth's nod in Sami's direction. "Does he really think he deserves a push to the title already? Get serious. Everyone knows who the real contenders are, am I right man?"

Even with Kevin’s disparaging glare on him, Seth doesn't shut up. It’s not much of a surprise, really (Seth doesn’t much like anybody), but for some reason the burning anger Kevin feels at it is appeased for the moment. He humors Seth, noticing all too late that he’s squeezing his hoagie so hard all of the toppings have spilled out onto his plate.

"Christ, man," Seth says with a laugh after noticing Kevin’s dilapidated sandwich, "You really are crazy! No one can shit talk Zayn unless it's you, huh?"

"Damn straight," Kevin snarls, "Keep that in mind and we'll get along fine from here on out."

"Whatever," Seth says, leaning back in his chair and sighing, nursing slices of cool fresh fruit between his teeth. “You probably shouldn’t be eating that,” he says after a few peaceable moments, gesturing at Kevin’s hoagie.

“Fuck off,” Kevin replies, taking an extra big bite just to be contrary.

“That’s fair,” Seth sighs sarcastically, and to Kevin’s great shock and pleasure, he finally shuts up.

-

In retrospect, the thing that really makes everything sting even years later is the fact that Sami wanted it all so bad. Kevin was too terrified and nervous to be anything but passive even though he was rock hard and wanted this more than he wanted possibly anything ever. Sami was all too happy to lead the way.

Kevin considered this a small mercy at first.

Sami put the room key in the door, Sami pulled the desk chair up across from the bed to sit and watch Kevin, Sami was the one that undid Kevin's belt and breathed, "Okay."

It's not necessarily Kevin's fault that he was already hard, anybody's dick would spring up in anticipation of being touched, but he felt the precursory embarrassment he always did whenever Sami was in the room.

He couldn't maintain eye contact at first, but Sami made him, coaxing him with 'there we go' and 'feels good, doesn't it?' and 'just like that'. Kevin followed his lead, keening and moaning and picking up his pace at his tag team partner's prompting. He felt so stupid with his pants around his thighs, and his belly spilling over, jiggling a bit with every pump of his wrist, and the only thing that quieted that was looking into Sami's eyes.

Sami was the one that reached over and wrapped his hand around Kevin's, murmuring, 'faster' and 'do it like this, okay?' and there was this thing he did, twisting his wrist right below the head of his cock that Kevin still does every single time.

Sami was the one that kissed him.

-

"I guess I was a little bit in love with him," Kevin explains, to Seth of all people. It's humiliating to say out loud, but it's really liberating to finally tell someone. It's not even the whole story, that's still too embarrassing. But this sentence alone is probably the most damning thing Kevin has said out loud.

Who was Kevin supposed to confide in anyway? Sami? His wife? No thanks.

Seth just whistles lowly and shakes his head. He looks around even though they're masked in the vague privacy of some chain restaurant, before leaning forward and confiding. "You know, I think he's a little bit in love with you, too."

Kevin sneers, "Get real."

-

“Don’t worry about it,” Sami had told him the next day, “But if you want, we can do that again. Or maybe even more. Everybody is curious, you know?”

-

Cesaro tries to speak to Kevin a few times over the next few weeks. Kevin never takes the bait. Cesaro is all but Sami's new partner in crime at this point, and he probably just wants Kevin to drop his guard so they can use that against him. He's not that dumb, though.

And Finn's on Raw with them now, too, which would be great if it weren't for him cozying up to Sami as soon as he saw him, like Sami needed any more friends as it was. He at least didn't try to bother Kevin, trying to talk nonsense like Cesaro.

"You might still be able to salvage your friendship, Kevin."

"This rivalry might be going too far. I know Sami still sees you as a friend."

Yeah, right.

Kevin targeting Cesaro in the coming weeks has nothing to do with Sami. Nothing at all. 

Sami does inevitably run in on their feud though, and Kevin delights in bellowing, "You just couldn't stay away, could you?" loud enough for the audience to hear.

Cesaro shoots Sami a look, which Kevin decides to take as a sudden realization.

Jericho is coming down the ramp at a brisk pace, running up on Sami and Cesaro more as a formality than a favor to Kevin. Sure, they have a tenuous at best alliance at the moment, but scripted or not, Jericho isn’t in the business of doing anything that doesn’t benefit him directly. He takes Sami out only because he’s got a match coming up after this, wants plenty of screentime, and knows Kevin would drag it out as long as humanly possible. He looks Kevin’s way once Sami is taken care of and Cesaro is laid out in the ring.

"Make the pin," Jericho snarls, "And get over yourself."

That's rich coming from you, Kevin thinks.

-

The second most embarrassing moment of Kevin's life was at another bar, the week after Sami had helped him jerk off.

They hadn't touched since then. In fact, they had scarcely spoken. But they still went everywhere and did everything together, which was comforting in its own way. 

At the moment, Kevin had been sitting next to Sami at the bar, three beers in, trying to work up the nerve to ask if he and Sami could do that again.

By the time he asked, he was stumbling over his words a little bit. And Sami just laughed at him, so he dropped it.

When they were leaving the bar, however, Sami swung an arm over his shoulder and pressed a kiss to his cheek while they waited for a cab.

"I'm gonna make you feel so good when we get back to the room," he whispered against Kevin's cheek.

And he did.

-

"You okay?" Sami asks him in the locker room a few days after Cesaro's last failed attempt at reconciliation.

Kevin just scoffs at him.

"Okay," Sami says after a moment, feigning patience, "Well, you know, maybe you shouldn't turn the whole locker room against you. There are people here that care about you despite everything, Kev."

He doesn't wait around for a response, which is just as well because Kevin doesn't have one.

-

The first time Sami tells Kevin he wanted to be fucked, Kevin came in his pants.

That was probably his third most embarrassing moment, come to think of it.

Even so, he didn't mention it, just kept touching and kissing Sami because he couldn't stop himself, because... because...

"Sami... I think I--”

-

"I love Sami," Kevin says lowly, into the phone. And then he waits. And waits.

"O...kay?" His wife says, "Are you going to tell me something I don't know?"

"No, ah, I mean... like. I'm in love with him. Or I was. I don't know if I still am or not."

"You are," his wife provides, as if this is common sense. "Always have been. Now what is it you need to tell me?"

Kevin leans back to look at his phone, just to be sure he dialed the right number. After a few seconds of processing, he pressed it back to his ear, "No, I just... it's kinda new to me. And I figured you deserved to know."

She sighs, the sound of it crackling through the receiver, and he's never missed her quite as much as he does now, "I think I knew before you did, you poor thing," she comforts him, "And it obviously doesn't bother me, or we would have never gotten married. I just wish you would stop beating yourself up about it and talk to him. You're both adults, I'm sure it'll be fine."

"But... are you sure it doesn't bother you?" Kevin splutters, "I mean... with the kids and everything. And you... I still do love you, you know? I don't want a divorce or anything, so I hope you don't either."

She laughs, "No, Kevin. I don't. I just want you to be okay. I know how much you've been hurting this last little while, but I wanted you to be ready to talk... Are you crying?"

"No," Kevin sniffles.

-

“You what?” Sami had asked, leaning back from him, grabbing Kevin by his shoulders and waiting for him to meet his eyes, “Just… run that by me one more time?”

“I love you,” Kevin had all but blubbered, “I do, I really do love you, Sami, ça me soûle…” his hands reaching for Sami, for reassurance. Because Sami was still holding him, and that had to be a good thing, right?

But the hands on his shoulders retreated, as did the rest of Sami. Gradually, he eased himself to the edge of the bed, disbelief apparent in his eyes. “I um,” Sami paused, “I don’t… um… I don’t know what to say to that right now, I mean… That’s… I’m flattered and everything, don’t get me wrong, but it might just be that… this point in our careers, everything is really tenuous, right? And I don’t want there to be any high stakes between us, or anything other teams can use against us, you know?”

Kevin hadn’t been able to process anything except the fact that Sami hadn’t said it back. And of course that wasn’t a surprise. Kevin hadn’t exactly meant to say it himself, so he couldn’t blame Sami for being surprised. But all his generosity gave way to outright grief when Sami got up and started getting dressed. Started packing.

Said, “I’m gonna stay with one of the other guys for a couple days until things blow over. Um. I’m sorry,” and then let the door close heavily behind him.

For a few moments, Kevin just sat, still on his knees on the bed, where moments ago Sami had asked to be fucked. He hadn’t given Kevin a chance to back down, to say he didn’t really mean it, to smother those feelings down so they could keep on. He had just… fled the scene.

Kevin sat there until his legs went numb under him, his hands splayed out on the comforter, still warm from Sami laying on top of it. He sat there until the light from the window went from vaguely purple to bright orange. He missed his next show. He packed his things and went home.

He called the bookers for Ring of Honor and told them his aunt died, because he didn’t know what else to say. He spent the drive home convincing himself that it was just a moment of weakness, that he didn’t really love Sami after all, that he was just lonely, that being touched by anybody that way would make him feel a fondness towards them.

By the time he made it home, he’d convinced himself he was over it.

Maybe that was the most embarrassing part of it all.

-

“You okay?”

Kevin’s gotten so used to this question from Sami the past few weeks that he doesn’t really even process it. He just keeps getting dressed. It’s been a rough night - losing matches always makes him cranky - he just wants to get back to his room and pack and sleep it off.

Apparently, Sami’s not gonna let that happen easily.

His hand curls around Kevin’s bicep and Kevin freezes. The only reason Sami has gone out of his way to have physical contact with Kevin at all over the past few years is the presence of cameras. “Hey,” Sami soothes, “Listen. I had a weird conversation with your buddy Seth the other day, and --”

Kevin jerks out of his grip, reaching for his gym bag. “I’m not really interested.”

“He told me you still love me,” Sami persists, his voice wavering over the ‘L’ word, “Kevin, I thought we talked about this years ago, and I thought we decided it’d be best to just… move on, right? I mean, you have a family, too.”

“I’ve talked to my wife, she’s fine,” Kevin shrugs, “I still love her, but I figured I owed her a little honesty at least.”

“Kevin,” Sami sighs, shaking his head, “You’re just digging yourself a deeper grave in the long run, you know? I haven’t said anything to anyone since… you know, what happened happened. And I was kind of hoping you’d do the same. I don’t really want people knowing--”

Kevin moves towards the door, laughing mirthlessly, “Yeah, I have to look in the mirror every morning. I don’t really blame you for that one.”

Sami frowns at him, “That’s not what I meant. You’re… you’re not as bad as you think you are.”

“Thanks for the compliment?” Kevin says, managing to sound vaguely amused instead of hurt. “I’ve got a flight to catch in the morning, though, I’m trying to get out of here. So, if you don’t mind…”

“Can I come with you?” Sami asks, and Kevin outright laughs at him.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Kevin wheezes, “You can’t stand me.”

“I need to talk to you about this,” Sami persists, glaring at him, “And if I don’t now, I’ll probably never get the chance.”

-

Can we talk?

Kevin looked down at the text, sent three months after Sami had fled their hotel room.

In the ring, they had acted fine, carried on their alliance. But backstage, and in real life, it was like they were strangers at best. Sami would greet him in passing, but he’d started busying himself with the other talent, and Kevin just… wasn’t good with people. He’d been sleeping alone ever since.

He deleted the message.

-

Sami pulls up the desk chair, and Kevin sits on the edge of the bed.

“Why do you think you love me?” Sami asks.

“I just know,” Kevin replies petulantly, “Trust me, it’s not like I want to.”

To his surprise, Sami laughs, “Fair enough. You know, to be honest, I wasn’t curious back then. I mean, I was curious about you. But not about guys in general, which is what I think I was trying to imply back then. I had been with guys before. I’ve been with guys since. But you. I wanted that with you specifically. I felt like I needed it from you.”

Kevin’s fists clench against his knees, “So, why did you run away?”

Sami blinks at him, “Excuse me?”

“I mean, I told you I loved you, and you just fucking left,” Kevin clarifies, trying not to sound too bitter. This is the closest thing to a healthy dialogue in years, and he wasn’t about to fuck it up and let Sami dangle it over his head like everything else.

“I came back,” Sami says, blinking at him in amazement, “I came back that night and you were gone. I was young and stupid and I wasn’t ready, but I didn’t want to lose you either, so I wanted… I don’t know, to talk about it? Do something to make it right? But when I got there, the room was empty and your stuff was gone. And you know what? I curled up in that bed and I cried. I knew then I had fucked up.”

Kevin looks at his hands, “I just… I felt like I had fucked up, so I left, I thought about what to do. I decided in the end that my career was worth more to me than this,” he gestured between them, “I decided I could make peace with it.”

“But you haven’t,” Sami points out.

“I know,” Kevin replies quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Sami says, and well, that’s a surprise. “Maybe I should have tried to explain sooner. I guess I just thought you had decided it was a lapse in judgement and decided to come back and ignore me. Maybe I thought that would have been easier for the both of us.”

“So now,” Kevin hesitates, “I mean, it’s okay if you don’t know, because I feel like this is some kind of progress either way, but… how do you feel now?”

Sami bites his lip and Kevin can’t look away. He discards his stupid hat on the floor. He slides the desk chair closer, until his knees are on either side of Kevin’s. He places his hands on Kevin’s shoulders. “Can I kiss you?”

Kevin gives him a half-nod and they move towards each other, and Kevin takes it in, takes Sami’s face in his hands to pull him closer. Sami’s mouth opens slightly, and Kevin follows his lead, pulling away before it can get too involved. They have to talk, after all.

“I um,” Sami says, “I’m hoping that was kind of an indicator, but in case it wasn’t. I love you, too.”

“Okay,” Kevin grins at him, “Anything else you need to say?”

Sami’s brow furrows thoughtfully, “I dunno, I don’t think so.”

“In that case,” Kevin says, gently pulling Sami out of the chair and onto the bed with him, “Let’s get back to the important stuff. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

This time, he has no trouble finding Sami’s mouth under his stupid beard.

-

Around 8AM, Kevin’s phone’s text tone goes off. 

Blearily, he slaps a blind hand against the bedside table until he finds it, silencing it for a moment before bringing the too-bright screen up to his face, briefly checking to see if it had disrupted Sami’s sleep. Sami, who’s still cuddled up against his chest, seems undisturbed.

You’re welcome, the text from Seth reads, accompanied by a winking emoji. Kevin can practically feel the smugness radiating from the screen.

Sami stirs against him, and Kevin lets his phone clatter to the floor. “Everything okay?”

Kevin grins at him, “Yeah,” he says, “Everything’s great.”

He wants to tell Sami that everything is finally perfect, but as Sami pushes himself up to kiss Kevin, he realizes Sami probably already knows.

**Author's Note:**

> This was probably not timeline accurate, so I apologize if that kept you from enjoying this. Also, I made a conscious decision not to mention Kevin's wife or kids by name. He's a character, and while he's mentioned his family on WWE in vague terms, I didn't want to blur the line between fantasy and reality by getting too real with it. I also didn't make mentions of their names in ROH or any other promotion, because I felt it would expedite the editing process a little to just keep them under one pseudonym, and because I wasn't sure how Kevin might address El Generico privately (probably by Rami, which again, would blur the line between fantasy and reality for me). I hope you've been able to enjoy this piece despite all that. If you spot any major errors please feel free to point them out.
> 
> I listened to Gravity by EDEN a whole lot while writing this, and I feel like it's thematically appropriate. Definitely give it a listen.
> 
> I consulted with a french-canadian friend about the bit of french Kev uses in this. Mon dieu is obvious, but the second one vaguely translates to 'it makes me drunk' which can be taken literally, or taken to mean someone being drunk with frustration/anger, and is apparently often used in arguments. Coming from Kevin, that could be taken either way.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!


End file.
